Fucked Up

So, I knew when I had D read my last post, that I was going to be in mountains of shit, but I don't really think I thought it out all the way.

Because... dude... I'm way up shit creek.

He isn't even giving it a number, he's just gonna spank me until he gets tired. I am so not looking forward to our little "talk", even though I can't wait til he gets here. Ugh.

I felt really bad about it when he first found out, because he was like "Are you trying to prove something?" I felt soooo bad and I've been thinking about that question a lot.

No, I'm really not trying to prove something to him, it's just I have a cycle of obediance. It is nearly impossible for me to think something stays the same ALL the time. Sure, I'll know something happens THIS time, but who's to say it'll happen a month from now? And even as consistant that D is, I still haven't gotten it quite through my thick skull that rules are RULES and will remain rules until agreed as otherwise.

And, I mean I knew that texting and driving was a BAD idea, I just didn't know what to expect. I knew he'd be mad, but that wasn't enough to make me quit... it was kind of a 'I don't have to worry about it untill he asks' kind of thing. But then, once I figured out that's what I was doing, I felt REALLY guilty every time we talked and he didn't ask.

I'm not planning on texting anyone while driving any time soon, I'll tell you that. Fuck, I'm gonna try to be the best person EVER until he gets down here. The LAST thing I need is to piss him off more. Ugh.