Contemplative

So D and I just had a pretty interesting conversation, and while I'm not a fan of airing out dirty laundry to society at large, I'm going to just let my thoughts conjure into sentences on this certain blog. Feel free to disregard and ignore if you must.

Thank you.

Soo, anyways... back to the conversation.

Things were fine, just like normal convo. I was telling him about Hustler and their assortment of leather implements and the like, which turned into a convo about if we would ever be able to spend more than one friggin night together. Then it took a surprising turn when D started talking about how the relationship is probably not going to work out in the long run.

While this may be true, I mean... anything could be true under the right circumstances, and I can see where he's coming from with us being so far apart, I still don't agree. I mean obviously if both parties aren't trying to make it work, it won't; but I don't think the distance thing should weigh in that much. It seems to really bother D, and while it DOES bother me a lot, I think it may bother him more? I don't know, I'm not in his head.

Sure, don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to see him more often, and if I could change that this second I WOULD, but I can't... not right now.

Next month we have been together 6 months... I don't think that's anything to sneeze at.

I have to admit, I was very cautious when things started to take a more serious turn... for a lack of a better description. Opening myself up to get hurt by someone else was NOT near the top of my list, and while the conversation struck up a lot of thoughts and emotions, I can see where he's coming from. I do not agree with him, but I am also an optimistic realist.

Honestly, I love being his girlfriend, but I don't want to continue the mindset that it may get serious after a year or so of dating if it isn't going to end up happening. If we did break up the relationship thing, I think we could still be very close friends without the D/s stuff. Not that I necessarily WANT to be "just friends", but I think you get what I mean.

I really, sincerely enjoy him, and I don't like seeing/hearing him being upset. The last thing I want to do is cause him more stress than he already has to deal with.

Oh, and we talked about something to do with getting married. He said that he could see me getting married to someone, but not him. I got sort of confused. Sure, I'm monogamous, but I really HATE the whole "marriage" scene. I can be monogamous while just living with someone, and even dating. Gaw. But I keep thinking I'm sounding like I'm trying to be like GAAHHH DONT LEAVE ME WAAHHH, but I'm not trying to... I'm just trying to sort out my mind into words.

Anywho... I think I'm gonna shut up now and go try to sleep. Gonna help a friend move tomorrow and need mah strength. :D