Finished

So, here is the second time in a row that D is cancelling out on our plans to hang together.

I knew it wasn't going to end up happening. This fucking blows.

Whatever.

Holy Jesus Christ

There are problems at hand. One of which being the fact that my boyfriend/Top is a creative fuck and instead of buying a rubber implement, he was going to find one himself.
Rubber thing.

He works at a supermarket place and these little fuckers came in on a shipment of pallets. I don't think you all realize just how bad that is for me.

Car Crash

Hello, everyone.  So, I just had an adventure.
Apparently, when you lose control of your car, it is no bueno.

Conversation and in SO much trouble

So D and I were just talking. Like I stated in my last entry, we hadn't talked in several days and I was literally thinking that he didn't care. Well, I found out tonight that he even knew how many night it'd been since I called him last, which made me feel much better.

I was missing talking to him immensely, and just the *thought* that he wasn't missing my calling him was upsetting me.

We got to talk about work and my orientation today, and everything was hunky dory until I asked had he ordered anything off of cane-iac in the time we'd been out of communication. Wull, apparently asking that to a Top is NOT the best way to go about NOT telling them you'd broken the biggest, worst rule you could have broken. (And even worse when you're a "go big or go home" type of person.)

"Since You've Been Gone"

So, 'been a while since I've blogged for all y'all. So sorry to disappoint.
I haven't talked to D in several days. I've been spending a lot of time out with friends this past week or so, and when I'm out I don't call cause he gets mad when I call too late.

I don't even know if he cares.
Lately the only things our conversations cover are things about our jobs... then... nothing.

He doesn't want to see me apparently, I really wanted to go up and see him this weekend (been planning it since last month). I know he told me that there were black dates where he couldn't ask off, but he's usually off on the weekends.

Fuck, he doesn't even ASK off to come see me/me see him. He says they won't give him any hours if he asks; so it's all by chance on when we see each other.

I asked him probably once a week or so until last week, when I brought it up a few times. I just didn't want him to forget to check when he got to work. He responded like it was a bother for him to do that, I mean... I guess it was. I shouldn't have asked so much.

It hurts more to call him and us not talk about anything than for me to just not call.

I shouldn't be calling when baseball is on, or whatever... he just goes to bed earlier than I do cause his hours are so erratic. But whatever.

I just... I really want to see him. And as 'needy' as that may seem, I can't help it. I miss him, and I just don't think he even feels the same way. Lately it just seems I'm more of a bother than anything, and I may be wrong about this, but that is the vibe I get when we're on the phone and he doesn't even make an effort to keep the convo up.

See, if we were ONLY fuckbuddies, I wouldn't be phased by this kind of thing. We wouldn't be "together" therefore I wouldn't feel that we had ANY obligation to each other.

The only thing?

We aren't.

And fuck, he won't even READ my damn blog.

Ugh, ranting isn't making me feel any better, it's just making me cry, so I'm going to just leave it at that. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry this was a complete estrogen-filled hate blog, I'll write happier/more raunchy things soon.

Adios.

Asleep I Am Not

I was supposed to be asleep like... 2 hours ago.
Asleep... I am not.

To my defense, I tried to sleep. I did. And it just was not happening.

I have a job interview tomorrow, and I am totally excited.

I've worked at the same grocery store for over 3 years and am still being paid total shit. "Where working is a pleasure"... pahshaw.. whatever.

I am going to miss the coworkers I've worked with for so long, but now I've gotten to the point where I feel comfortable asking them if they want to hang out away from work, so I don't have to be so sad about leaving them.