"Since You've Been Gone"

So, 'been a while since I've blogged for all y'all. So sorry to disappoint.
I haven't talked to D in several days. I've been spending a lot of time out with friends this past week or so, and when I'm out I don't call cause he gets mad when I call too late.

I don't even know if he cares.
Lately the only things our conversations cover are things about our jobs... then... nothing.

He doesn't want to see me apparently, I really wanted to go up and see him this weekend (been planning it since last month). I know he told me that there were black dates where he couldn't ask off, but he's usually off on the weekends.

Fuck, he doesn't even ASK off to come see me/me see him. He says they won't give him any hours if he asks; so it's all by chance on when we see each other.

I asked him probably once a week or so until last week, when I brought it up a few times. I just didn't want him to forget to check when he got to work. He responded like it was a bother for him to do that, I mean... I guess it was. I shouldn't have asked so much.

It hurts more to call him and us not talk about anything than for me to just not call.

I shouldn't be calling when baseball is on, or whatever... he just goes to bed earlier than I do cause his hours are so erratic. But whatever.

I just... I really want to see him. And as 'needy' as that may seem, I can't help it. I miss him, and I just don't think he even feels the same way. Lately it just seems I'm more of a bother than anything, and I may be wrong about this, but that is the vibe I get when we're on the phone and he doesn't even make an effort to keep the convo up.

See, if we were ONLY fuckbuddies, I wouldn't be phased by this kind of thing. We wouldn't be "together" therefore I wouldn't feel that we had ANY obligation to each other.

The only thing?

We aren't.

And fuck, he won't even READ my damn blog.

Ugh, ranting isn't making me feel any better, it's just making me cry, so I'm going to just leave it at that. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry this was a complete estrogen-filled hate blog, I'll write happier/more raunchy things soon.

Adios.