So D and I were just talking. Like I stated in my last entry, we hadn't talked in several days and I was literally thinking that he didn't care. Well, I found out tonight that he even knew how many night it'd been since I called him last, which made me feel much better.
I was missing talking to him immensely, and just the *thought* that he wasn't missing my calling him was upsetting me.
We got to talk about work and my orientation today, and everything was hunky dory until I asked had he ordered anything off of cane-iac in the time we'd been out of communication. Wull, apparently asking that to a Top is NOT the best way to go about NOT telling them you'd broken the biggest, worst rule you could have broken. (And even worse when you're a "go big or go home" type of person.)
So, he hadn't bought anything... but now he is. And he's going to buy something rubber. And I literally want to cry out of terror right about now.
I've been beat with rubber... I hate the shit out of it. My kinky friends have a little rubber paddle, and the only way I like playing with it is if I'm the one in charge of how hard it hits.
My stomach is in KNOTS just thinking about him whipping/spanking me with rubber, and mostly because I am IN so much shit. I was in trouble before I came clean about the texting and driving thing, let along after I let him in on it.
The only thing I am thankful about is the fact that I am neither grounded, nor do I have to write lines.
If he actually goes through with the punishment he laid out to me tonight, I may not be here to blog much longer. (half-kidding) He basically let me know that I was getting the whipping of my life, and that I would be crying before he was done.
Now THAT is a scary statement for me to hear. I do NOT cry easily when it comes to physical pain, D's done it before, but it wasn't easy and was sort of an off night for me.
My only hope is the next time I see D, my pain tolerance is high. Otherwise I will die.
I will try to be strong for my followers.
I will try.
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