UGH

Fuck me. Fuck me sideways. Word of the day: Retardation.

I have a total of 4 rules:

1: No texting and driving
2: Go to bed when instructed
3: Go to work on time
4: Don't call out of work

That's about it. Well, last Saturday this Dom I've been talking to lately was supposed to come visit. Shit happened and he was unable to come so we postponed it to this upcoming weekend. I already had a good sized whuppin coming to me.

See... I have a problem with pushing boundries until I'm sure that they aren't going to budge. Unfortunately, this tendency gets me in tons of shit cause I repeatedly disobey a rule in order to figure out if there's any loophole. I'm also very stubborn and have a dominant side to my personality, therefore only strong dominants can control me. Don't be fooled, I am all sub. I don't switch or Top at all; but to be in charge of me, I have to know I'm safe... even from my own stubborness. (as weird as that sounds o.0)

Well, this past week has been a bumpy road in regards to following rules. I've almost been late a few times, I stayed up past curfew, and I texted two times while driving. The texting/driving thing is a BIG deal to D, so I'm in major shit for that...

The biggest problem with the texting-n-driving thing this time, though, was the fact that I hadn't told him. I don't like lying, and I'm terrible at it. The only way I really will "lie" is by omission, meaning I'll just not say anything about it. If asked I'd spill, but if not... who needs to know? He is indefinately displeased with me about this, especially since he is coming this weekend. I feel so stupid, and I hate that I've dissapointed him... and the fact he's using the bathbrush on me for it... makes me dislike the whole situation even more than I did originally.

I got him the bathbrush as a gift for coming and visiting, I got him a couple other spanking things for his birthday tomorrow. I've hit myself on the thighs to see how much each thing would hurt when he used them, and they are not going to be awesome. Especially since he is not using them in play, but in punishment.

Not. Excited.

I am very excited that I'm going to hang with him beforehand and we're going to have fun and joke around and stuff during the day... I'm dreading the nightly activities though. It's going to hurt, and not good hurt... hurt hurt. I am going to want it all to stop with every bit of my being, I will be on fire... I will beg him to stop. I don't know whether or not I will cry, I haven't cried in the past, but.. of course.. the past spankings/whippings haven't been punishment, but fun. There may just be a time for everything, eh?

Oh well... it's nearly one and I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day, I'm cleaning all day lol. Get the house cleaned, fix dinner, call D after a bit, sleep and await Saturday morning.

Wish me luck. o.o