Communication

Communication is something that I hold in high regard. I think it is fundamental in any relationship whatsoever, and even more vitally important in a Top/bottom relationship. Every friendship relies on communication of some sort, any romantic relationship requires communication to keep it going, but there are several reasons that I believe communication is vital in a D/s relationship.

Exhibit A) Threshold for pain.

This is something that any sort of vanilla relationship would never encounter in a normal everyday situation. Some people have a low threshold, while others can take a LOT of pain before it phases them in the slightest; this can cause confusion and dissatisfaction in both parties if not communicated before, during, and after a scene. There have been a few situations where during a scene I am nearly begging the Top to quit, while afterwards I let them know that I could have taken more that it was something "in the moment" and while I completely meant it in scene I was unsatisfied when all was said and done.

Exhibit B) Control

Vanilla relationships, as a whole, try to stick with a "equal" type of control system. The man may be in charge of making sure there's money, while the woman makes sure there are groceries and bills are paid on time. While this type of situation could happen in a D/s relationship, there has to be some sort of communication between the Top and the bottom to demonstrate what is needed/wanted by either party.

I speak from a bottom's pov, but I know that I thrive under boundaries and rules set by others. I have absolutely no self discipline, so having someone there to help guide me is a huge thing. I fight it tooth and nail sometimes, but because I've communicated the need to D, he stands firm.

Exhibit C) Trust

Now, this is a big issue in any relationship, but this is something that is needed in every situation in a D/s relationship as well. While it can deal with the pain threshold (ie. 'How do I know he'll stop if I say the safeword or not!?' or 'How do I know she's not going to go running off to the police?') and with control (ie. 'Is she actually doing what I tell her?'), it also has to do with trusting that the facts being put forth are accurate and not "softened" to protect someone.

For example, there have been a few times that I've been talking to D and I'll tell him something I'm not sure I want him to know, but it's something he needs to know in order to react in the best fashion. I like getting my way, I'll push and push in order to get it and when I don't get it (whatever it is) I can be known to throw hissy fits lol.

I'm stubborn and I know it, but not just anyone will pick up on it, or be able to handle me in a way that I respond to positively. I'll let D in on little things that make me feel as stubborn as I do so he'll atleast know what set off my fit instead of being confused as to why all of a sudden I'm moody and snapping at him.

Communication is key.

Ummm.... *...catchy ending remark that makes you think and laugh... *