Cramps and Control

So, to start this blog out I am going to run down why I'm writing so early on a day that I'm supposed to be at work. It is 12:18 CST right now, and I was supposed to work 10-7.

I am having the absolute WORST cramps I have ever had in my entire life. Everything was hurting at work, and it all came in waves. I'd be semi-fine for a couple minutes then it would hit again and nearly make me throw up. I felt like shit on a stick.

I asked to go home an hour and forty-five minutes after I got there cause there was NO way I was going to be able to handle that pain and be any kind of productive. I actually feel bad about leaving, but I really couldn't handle it. OW.

Anywho, back to what I was planning on writing about... I'm going to be writing about the mental gymnastics that I go through whenever I submit to D to better understand it myself. If i get confusing, I am sorry... I write the way I talk lol.

So, I have a problem with calling D "Sir" nearly every time he wants me to. I don't know what my problem is. Sometimes when I don't say it, it's because I'm foolin around... other times, though... it's like this stubborn wall shoots up and in my mind there's no way in hell I'm saying it. Some of it may be the fact that D lets me get away with pushin it out farther and farther. When we first started talking he gave me a '2 second' thing where it would be...

D: Megyn, you do understand this rule, right?
M: Yes.
D: Yes what?
M: Yes, I understand.
D: Megyn, you know what I mean.
M: ......
D: Do you want X with the Y? (number/impliment)
M: No!
D: No what!?
M: ........
D: You have two seconds.
M: (after a second) No, Sir. *mumble mumble mumble*

That was at the beginning, and I don't know where I started pushing it out... but 2 seconds turned to 4... 4 turned to 8... 8 turned to as long as I thought I could push it out for.

Have I mentioned that I push boundaries?

Sometimes I wish he would just make me do what he wants me to. After the big whuppin he gave me, that very next morning I pushed the Sir issue. Most of the time it's just to see what he'll do. I pushed it the night before and he took charge... the next morning I pushed it about as far as I could. Don't tell him? But PART of me wishes he woulda just turned me over and given me a couple good swatts. NOT A LOT! But just a few lol, I was very sore, a couple would have been more than enough lol.